tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post4078412371667862132..comments2012-08-25T20:23:05.808-07:00Comments on I have a little sumpthin' to say: Carl and I are Separating (get ready, this is a long one!)Hilary-Dilary-Dockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03306830329592037898noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-65624362339492813982011-12-23T11:33:33.446-08:002011-12-23T11:33:33.446-08:00You don't know me - my husband was friends wit...You don't know me - my husband was friends with your sister in high school (I know, random). I just want you to know that not only have you written a very beautiful post here (you are an exceptionally talented writer) but also that I 100% agree with you. Hang in there. This is going to be alright. Your head is clear, your heart is in a good place, and the Lord loves you, your child, and Carl.Camillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06213765578108441786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-29141865408651753592010-10-05T05:45:49.775-07:002010-10-05T05:45:49.775-07:00Yes this is Carl's mom again.One aspect that h...Yes this is Carl's mom again.One aspect that has been overlooked in this story is that before Carl decided to give up on his marriage and covenants he let his guard down.He was not putting forth the effort to keep himself spiritually strong.He was not reading his scriptures regularly.He was also in contact with those who encouraged and convinced him to give in to his temptation.He was viewing porn at some point in this decline.His previous commitments and tender loving feelings became hardened and he became convinced that he had no choice,he must express that which he had suppressed for so long.Lately I have heard the saying "Show me your friends and I will show you your future.This statement has been true in Carl's life. Has Carl struggled for many years? Yes!He fought so hard for so long.I have great admiration for him.Maybe he just never could of made it no matter how hard he tried.Maybe he gave up because he was tired of the fight!He would say that he had lied to himself long enough.That is what he and others would tell us.<br />We all have two parts of us. The angel on one shoulder,the devil on the other. We all have to make a choice.For instance my father was an alcoholic who abandoned his family whenever life got a little hard. I hardly know him.Down the street I have a close friend whose husband left her and their 12 children to head a polygamist group after years of commitment to church and family.We all have choices to make!Life is hard for all of us. The homosexual community set themselves up as a special group wanting certain favors and privileges,at the expense of the rights of the rest of us.<br />through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ There is a way for all of us to receive what He has to offer!All of His gifts!Even Eternal life.It is Hard for all of us. For the homosexual it may be exceptionally hard. On the whole they are exceptional people!I believe with the help of the Lord they too can make it!Carrollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15634191150471350694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-2716281699483221482010-10-02T17:58:27.437-07:002010-10-02T17:58:27.437-07:00I need to comment again. My husband Mark and I att...I need to comment again. My husband Mark and I attended the 20th Anniversary Annual Conference of Evergreen International two weeks ago.I would like to give you my observations and impressions of that organization. We decided to go because we needed education and support to get us through this very difficult time.We went for ourselves.We are Carl's parents. We chose Evergreen International because it embraces L.D.S. values. Many of the other support groups have a political bias. Evergreen is not a political group.Evergreen is not an entity of the L.D.S. Church. However two of the keynote speakers were L.D.S. One being a General Authority. Another keynote was not L.D.S. but a former gay radical that is now married to a woman who practiced a lesbian lifestyle. they now have three sons and have been married for over 20 yrs. If you would like to learn more about these speakers and read there speeches this is the link http://www.evergreeninternational.org/<br /><br />We found the conference very helpful. It was very well organized. The sessions started with inspirational keynote addresses. For the rest of the day there were workhops taught by seasoned professionals, these were designed mainly for those with same sex attraction, but all conference goers were welcome to participate and Mark and I personally benefited from these classes. Specifically for friends and families there were two round table discussion groups, one where as parents we could just talk to one another and tell about our experiences. We all had a similar story. Our children with SSA were high achievers, especially academically and in the arts, they wee Eagle Scouts, they had been active in the church most of their lives. Most of the families were middle class to upper class socioeconomically. These children all were described as cream of crop. I know this is true because Carl is cream of the crop! <br />The other round table was paneled by those struggling with SSA We were able to ask them any questions we wanted to better understand their perspective. Both days ended with a lovely dinner, allowing us to mix and mingle with the other participants. Mark and I felt that our time there was very worthwhile. We are glad we attended. We found it to be a healing experience.<br /><br />Evergreen exists for those who want help. This desire of course varies from person to person. All are at a different place in their lives. If and when an individual wants help Evergreen is there. They do have a measure of success.<br /><br />Evergreen gets a bad rap. I am sure many who criticize have never attended. I think sometimes those who know the least criticize the most They do not encourage marriage, they do not discourage marriage, they are there to help individuals .where ever one may be in their own lives. There are support groups for married couples, for spouses, and the individual.<br /><br />I want to share this from their web site:<br /><br />Same-sex Attraction<br />If you want to diminish your same-gender attractions and avoid homosexual behavior, there is a way out.<br />Five Truths About Same-sex Attraction<br />God loves all his children regardless of their circumstances and wants to help them. (See Jacob 6:5 and 2 Nephi 1:15.) Same-sex attraction is one of life's many challenges. People can overcome homosexual behavior and diminish same-sex attractions. God expects us to be chaste and reserve sexual activity to the bonds of marriage between a man and a woman. You are not alone! Help is available for those who experience same-sex attraction.<br /><br />I have not written this to encourage anyone to attend Evergreen. I just want the truth about them to be known. I think largely they are misunderstood.Carrollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15634191150471350694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-90965992185230876982010-10-01T10:10:07.998-07:002010-10-01T10:10:07.998-07:00God bless, Hillary. What a difficult choice.
In y...God bless, Hillary. What a difficult choice.<br /><br />In your defense, the LDS church only recently began encouraging homosexuals not to marry, as opposed to the "marry and it will win over your gayness" encouraged by groups like Evergreen. Since you guys were married in 2005 or 2006 (I think--going off when I used to see you at UVSC) not all your Church leaders would have been informed of the new policy, or supportive of it.<br /><br />Good luck. Let us know if we can help. We're five hours from Portland, but we come down once in a while.Spencer Ellsworthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16684500448697612087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-46929395029546224312010-10-01T04:52:52.353-07:002010-10-01T04:52:52.353-07:00This is an amazing post! I do have personal opinio...This is an amazing post! I do have personal opinions that differ, but I have never known anyone with a more understanding, loving, kind approach to such a life altering problem. Your example teaches all of us to be better people.Carrollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15634191150471350694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-29808428786924971972010-09-01T13:16:07.638-07:002010-09-01T13:16:07.638-07:00Hey girl. I know I am pretty late in reading this....Hey girl. I know I am pretty late in reading this. You know that I think you're awesome! And even though I have only known you a short time you will be missed. You are a great mother and Jude is going to be so blessed by your love.Kimberly Conehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08532612475206539664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-67053199902950643602010-08-24T15:33:39.134-07:002010-08-24T15:33:39.134-07:00Hilary, you have been on my mind since I read this...Hilary, you have been on my mind since I read this post earlier today. I, too, know that the Lord will be with you during the transition. How hard! Sometimes life has surprises that we didn't plan on. My love goes out to both you and Carl at this time. And you will be in our prayers.<br /><br />TamilisaTamilisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10109543421039937550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-52085719774619330292010-08-22T13:23:54.007-07:002010-08-22T13:23:54.007-07:00Hilary, I just want you to know that I think you&#...Hilary, I just want you to know that I think you're an amazing and beautiful woman...I've always thought that, from the very first time I met you. You and your beautiful baby boy are in my thoughts and prayers as you prepare to make your trip to Portland. Thank you for your example of strength and goodness.Monicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13093145412707310414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-4686285199416401222010-08-21T15:44:30.697-07:002010-08-21T15:44:30.697-07:00Thanks Hillary. I have 3 gay family members. It...Thanks Hillary. I have 3 gay family members. It's as you say. None of them chose to have this difficult trial. They are just people wanting to be happy just like anyone. I agree with everything you said.Barb Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10004103197873431821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-38692993082039122492010-08-21T14:33:27.667-07:002010-08-21T14:33:27.667-07:00You have been in my thoughts continually since I r...You have been in my thoughts continually since I read this last night. It takes a lot of courage to write about your life and your feelings in such an honest way. You are in my prayers. I pray that you and Jude will find happiness in your new life in Oregon. I love you!Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14597287419708465911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-36244269502615269042010-08-21T14:19:27.172-07:002010-08-21T14:19:27.172-07:00Hilary you are so strong and you always have been....Hilary you are so strong and you always have been. You do have an amazing outlook on this situation. I'm sorry for the outcome and how it's not what was "supposed" to happen. We will pray for you to have continual peace, comfort, and strength. We love you!Frank, Heidi and Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05723622377226109543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-7821770686174597832010-08-21T13:55:13.061-07:002010-08-21T13:55:13.061-07:00Hillary, One thing I know about grief, it is very ...Hillary, One thing I know about grief, it is very personal and almost sacred. Thank you for sharing it in such a beautiful way. Same sex attraction has been a topic in our home. As parents we know that it is a possibility in our children. I also have a sister that has same sex attraction. We want to foster love and understanding in our home. I too wish as members we would embrace all our brothers and sisters who often feel the need to hide their struggle and are often made to feel ashamed of who they are. May you and Carl both feel the love and support that you need at this time. Our love and prayers are with you both.Nielson Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12008058224932242282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-39175557723292471622010-08-21T12:36:43.571-07:002010-08-21T12:36:43.571-07:00Hi Hilary. I know we haven't talked since you...Hi Hilary. I know we haven't talked since you moved, but your post just made me cry and cry for some reason. I think when/if you come back to Utah please please call me. If you feel up to it of course. I just really . . . I don't know . . . I'm sorry and please call me.Terry and Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268171049111531826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-30567429392639805342010-08-21T11:48:33.600-07:002010-08-21T11:48:33.600-07:00Hilary thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope...Hilary thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope you are doing well. When you come to Utah next let us know. We love you!<br /><br />EmilyEmily Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03768749684930015999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-31226295792956842422010-08-21T11:45:08.322-07:002010-08-21T11:45:08.322-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Happy walkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08251562118337533762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-73308770560197027472010-08-21T11:32:43.354-07:002010-08-21T11:32:43.354-07:00Wow, Hillary, that's rough. I'm sorry you ...Wow, Hillary, that's rough. I'm sorry you guys have to go through all this.Schmathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07961433801062149928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-3650649542299046452010-08-21T11:13:17.273-07:002010-08-21T11:13:17.273-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Hilary-Dilary-Dockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03306830329592037898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-92118490108814323422010-08-21T10:57:47.726-07:002010-08-21T10:57:47.726-07:00Hi Hilary,
You don't know me but I am a friend...Hi Hilary,<br />You don't know me but I am a friend of Carl's from High School. <br />I appreciate what you wrote here. I can't imagine what you are going through but your honesty touched me. I hope the transition for you and Jude is somewhat easier? on you. I pray that your healing will be fast and I am also so happy that you have such a sweet son out of everything. Trials are never easy. I guess that is the rough and wonderful part of life here on earth. <br />I just want you to know that there are people out there you don't know that are praying for you.<br />-SedraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-88049919347363250152010-08-21T08:17:52.789-07:002010-08-21T08:17:52.789-07:00Hilary. Wow, you have some incredible insight. I...Hilary. Wow, you have some incredible insight. I have a friend whose sister is going through the exact same situation...with one child like you. I would like to share your post with anyone who is going through this trial. He is a lucky man to have married someone so understanding and loving. My heart is with you. Best of luck in Oregon. What a beautiful place to heal. xoxoAlicenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13890932141732341841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-43801789032899917012010-08-21T06:36:29.596-07:002010-08-21T06:36:29.596-07:00What a difficult, sad time for everyone involved. ...What a difficult, sad time for everyone involved. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I agree with what you've written and I also know that Heavenly Father knows and loves all of His children. I really respect the way you're handling this and please know that your little family will be in my prayers. Love you!Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11304462037436454122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4783895319990362779.post-90542603379419216802010-08-20T23:29:48.423-07:002010-08-20T23:29:48.423-07:00I'm happy you're going through this in suc...I'm happy you're going through this in such a positive, loving way.... you're a wonderful example to your friends and family and church members in general. much love to you three as you part ways:-) only more love will come of this. Guaranteed. xoxoUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159140934972785116noreply@blogger.com